Sunday, April 29, 2012


We all have them.

Little touchstones that make us smile, evoke a memory, bring comfort, or simply make a space feel like "us". 

You can tell a lot about me by looking at my desk. 

You'll find a rock.  Not just any rock.  A rock from the beach at Rebecca Spit on Quadra Island, with a wide white stripe around it, thereby making it a "wishing rock".  There is also a flower, a beautiful cloth - a gift from my daugher and son-in-law when they were traveling in New Zealand, little notes from loved ones, and a small print with what I consider to be perhaps the most important question that can ever be asked "What does your heart say?"

A wicker basket holds a few books, my journals, and a box of pencil crayons - should a creative urge to color overtake me.  It sometimes does. 

There is also a card.  When I found it I bought many and sent them to dear ones - keeping one for myself.  It reads, "Always settle for more...more joy, more faith, more laughter, more grace.

I'll settle for that. 

"Dreams are the touchstones of our character." Henry David Thoreau

All good things, k

Sunday, April 15, 2012

The Perfect Gift

You know it when you see it.

What a wonderful feeling to find the perfect little gift.  To anticipate that moment when they open it and nod.  Feeling it reaching out and saying "I know you and I love who you are".

Today I am wrapping and sending a couple just such gifts.  Neither are expensive.  Neither were purposefully sought out.  

For me there is no walking around malls, desperation creeping in, having to buy something...anything.  Rather I am always mindful as I go through my daily rounds.  Watching what draws my attention - what reminds me of a dear one.  When it appears, I don't hesitate.

Sometimes I will tuck it away for a special occasion.  Often the gift becomes the special "I thought of you" occasion.  

Even more often, gathering is my gift.  What could be more special than time together.  I love nothing more than time spent with family and friends, enjoying food, wine, and each other.  

I've been blessed with some of these "I know you" gifts too.  This past Christmas a friend gave me two little silver spreaders that were engraved "spread joy" and "spread love".  Every time I reach for them I smile.  Truly the perfect gift.

"Since you get more joy out of giving joy to others, you should put a good deal of thought into the happiness that you are able to give."  Eleanor Roosevelt

All good things, k

Sunday, April 8, 2012

Feeling Blue

I'm feeling blue.

This is being magnified by my incredible guilt for these feelings.  I, who am so blessed.  I, who write I love Sundays.

The trouble with being an optimistic soul who is rarely down is that it feels overwhelming, to myself and to others.

I'm known for my sunny outlook (well that and my love of food and wine).  My belief that life is good, people are good, (well except for a few scoundrels, as my friend would say), and that everything unfolds as it should, is my carrying card.  Do not ask me to explain world atrocities.  I can't.  All I know is, that in my own sphere of life, it is reaffirmed each day, that being positive and grateful brings more to feel positive and grateful for.   I live in abundance.  

On Thursday I was publicly thanked for my serenity and on Friday I felt anything but.  I felt sad, tired, anxious, oh, and did I mention, very, very, guilty, for feeling that way.  

Usually a day spent at home in my pj's, listening to beautiful music, doing a little reading and writing, and generally relaxing, would replenish me.  All this while being cheered on by mon amour, who shopped for food and wine, did our income tax, and organized papers, while I was napping on the couch.  Even after two huge bowls of the finest pesto pasta I have ever made, a bottle of fine wine, all enjoyed while watching a riveting movie, the sadness remained.  

But today, as I write this, I can feel the fog lifting a little.  While I am still far away from my children, when I wish oh so much, that we were all gathered together with family and friends for Easter.  While my heart is aching for dear ones who are struggling with their own sadnesses.  And, while I still find myself at an in between place - something that never sits easily with me.  

I hold on to two things that I know for sure.  I am loved.  I love.  For this moment, it is enough.  For every moment it is enough.  

A lot of me is very up, and you have to have light and shade. They are both important and you have to be able to balance them. You have to admit that sadness is part of you and that it enriches you. I use it in my work.  Imelda Staunton

All good things, k